There are many reasons for divorce today and we do not know what goes on behind closed doors- and really, it is none of our business. However, it does strike a cord and makes us think how fragile our relationships are, specifically marriages. We do change – and grow as we age. At 50 I am so different than my 25 year old self that got married the first time.  The world is changing, we are so busy and it takes special energy to keep a relationship growing in the same direction and stay connected-given our family and work responsibilities.  Appreciation of your partner (daily) is required like drinking water.  We all want to feel like we matter and are appreciated.

How can this happen?  Perhaps some day you wake up and ask, “Is this marriage enough for me?”  For those of us in committed relationships and marriages, we may have to face that question.  Today, less than half the marriages actually survive in the long run.  Amazingly, my grandparents were married over 70 years.  Yet, they were pre-email.  (As I write this I am in my bedroom writing and my husband is on the computer in his office surfing I don’t know what!). What have you done to connect soulfully with your partner/spouse today?

If you want to see what it takes for a marriage to last the test of time, go to http://www.coachamyschoen.com/couples_coaching/ and get my article I wrote where I interviewed 3 couples, one who were married 25 or more years, and two for 50 plus years.  I hope you find some pearls of wisdom that can help you keep your relationship resolve.

How do we balance it all? You don’t! You make choices. So what are you choosing for your family and yourself?

Life balance is something you define – it’s dynamic and it’s always changing. Your balance status requires constant readjusting all the time. Imagine you are standing on a half ball at the gym. This is a piece of equipment trainers use to strengthen your core and restore your physical sense of balance. You stand on a round flat surface that is mounted on a half of a ball. Your weight shifts from side to side and back and forth while you are working hard to not fall off the platform. It takes constant small shifts to maintain balance. The same concept applies to life balance.

So what really determines life balance for you? What gives you a sense of fulfillment? The answer lies in your values and having them fully realized. For example, let’s say you have a value of a healthy, active lifestyle. You feel you are not exercising at all – which you need to feel good and stay in shape. By not exercising, you feel run down, tired, blah and overwhelmed! By making time for exercise, you will move towards feeling more in balance. At this point I explore with my life coaching client what steps he can take to get more exercise back into his life.

Another example that I see with many of my life coaching clients is they have a value about spending quality time with their family. Many times work has required them to put in extra hours where they find that they barely have time with their kids and spouse. This creates a sense of imbalance. Through the life coaching process we explore ways to put back time with their family and still satisfy their work/business demands. It requires that the client makes choices about how they spend their time. By finding that time and fully expressing that core value, they become happier and as a result, feel more in balance.

So the next time you feel out of balance in your life, think about which of your values are currently being suppressed. Once identified, you can begin to explore what steps to take in order to fully live those values again. Then, you will find yourself moving in the right direction in your life – towards a greater feeling of balance!

By Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC

I would like to share some things about the past year with you. I hope the last year has left you with good work opportunities, strengthening relationships and goals achieved!

For me, it was a challenging, growing year. Motherhood is a dynamic state. My son Andrew went from an infant to an 18 month toddler of 30 lbs that is walking, running, climbing and reminding me about how to be curious about everything. His determined and strong personality is definitely showing through. (See photos/videos at www.AmyAlan.com)

Running a business while raising a child takes fortitude, focus and resourcefulness. I went from having part-time help in the house (which made it difficult to get work done) to finding a part-time daycare arrangement and neighborhood sitters to help out. My networking skills have come in handy in the Mom department.

The recession has had a hit on my business in the first half of 2009. My client load dropped dramatically. People were interested in working with me, but no longer felt they could afford my services. It would have been great to have been a career coach!! I kept plugging away and by the summer, business had picked up. I had started a face to face Dating Encouragement group with about 8 individuals last spring. The group’s number started to dwindle and as Andrew got bigger and more active, it became hard to have the group at my home. I did have a great group for my spring Get Love Right Tele-coaching group. Meanwhile, I decided to open my coaching business to a wider group of people and have been developing my new website www.CoachAmySchoen.com ever so slowly! Here I am targeting my strength coaching niches: couples, new moms, working moms, entrepreneurs, twenty-somethings and those couples making fertility decisions.

For Andrew’s first Birthday, my brother’s family all came in from Dallas, Texas. It was the first time they met Andrew. My nieces, who are grown women, enjoyed playing with Andrew. My Mom and my sisters in law’s families all traveled from up North. Andrew enjoyed his first cupcake and we discovered he likes sweets like his mother!

The three of us took our first vacation without family support to Bethany Beach last July. Thank g-d for www.sittercity.com! Andrew really likes being in the Pool (so does Alan). They did a water babies class at the JCC in the spring. I held the towels and took pictures. At the beach, I ate crabs and Andrew banged on the table with the hammers. He also discovered ice cream- mine! Andrew liked standing on the benches facing the people and making declarations. I wish I understood baby talk.

Last fall, I was quoted as an expert in an article about relationships in the Washington Post, as well as just recently about Dating in DC through the ages. I put on my first all day Dating Success workshop which attracted over two dozen people. I will be putting on more of my own workshops going forward. This is a great way for people to meet me and get a feel for what I do. My next one is January 30th- “Internet Dating Like a Pro”.

Currently, I am happily coaching a good number of clients (although there is always room for a couple more!) and found that my client base shifting to those people already part of a couple who need to make commitment decisions about that relationship, couples transitioning desiring to stay connected, a mother to be with entrepreneurship leanings, as well as never marrieds seeking marriage partners, and divorced individuals ready to find that someone special. I am doing whole life coaching with most of my one on one clients — as you know that works best.

In November, I took over an existing Meetup group for DC Marriage Minded Singles. (http://budurl.com/DCMMGroup) . The group is DC based and 300 members strong. I am holding monthly discussion group meetings and having fun social events as well. As the year closes, my coaching business is ending on an up note. This coming year I look forward to creating an affordable “Motivated to Marry” online coaching program and creating a tele-seminar series for “Internet Dating Like a Pro”.

Again, I appreciate your referrals of anyone who would benefit from life coaching and my relationship expertise.

I wish you a Happy, Healthy, Prosperous and Fulfilling New Year!

Amy

Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC
Heartmind Connection Coaching

The next decision-making tool is your values. Your values are what really matters to you? What do you treasure? What in your life, if you were missing it would make you miserable? These questions (and a whole lot more I ask my life coaching clients in a values clarification session) gets to the heart of your values. So when you are trying to decide how to spend your day or what tasks to take on, ask yourself, “Is it consistent with my core values?”

For example, if close family connections is a major core value for you, then, if you have to decide upon taking that extra consulting assignment or spend more time with your family, you would opt for the second of the choices. Moreover, if you have a value around impactful work, then your spouse needs to be supportive of that value and perhaps take care of the children one evening so you can give your life changing speech to a group of women who need to hear about what you have to say.

Last, you have your short term and long term life goals- whether it’s work oriented such as bring on board two new clients this month and have a full coaching business by the end of the year or a personal goal such as lose 10 lbs in 3 months or get to the point where you can wear your size eight clothes again by the summer. Your decision on how you are to spend your time revolves around how your efforts can help you achieve your business and personal life goals.

When you take into account your life vision, your values and your life goals you have the tools you need to streamline your life and ultimately make the best decisions possible for a fulfilling and balanced life. Here’s to making 2010 our best one yet!

Coach Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC
Personal and Business Life Coaching
www.coachamyschoen.com
Are you prepared for what’s next? Try a complimentary coaching session.
240-498-7803